The origin of my beard

by Jeviok Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:06 pm

When I was a teenager I started growing black hairs out of my face. I would just let it grow out until it was so unruly that I had to shave. But I was a noob who didn't know how to shave so I'd give myself razor burn and acne and stuff. But then somewhere down the line I became less stupid and started shaving smarter. Then I realized that shaving was such a bother and plus I had received some compliments during the time before I shaved everything off which lead me to want to just maintain it. So I looked up a guide on the internet about beard maintenance, and the rest is history. I used an old purple comb and scissors which I use for all of my body hair and a razor to perform beard maintenance. Trim t3h beard with comb and scissors and use the razor to shave my neck and the sides of my face. When I got it neat all of a sudden everyone starts complimenting me on it so I decided to keep it. It took some practice but I'm good at beard maintenance now and I haveta do it like every week cuz that's how manly I am. I've maintained my beard for like almost 4 years now. If I were to shave again I'd have a full beard again in a week. But it's an interesting phenomenon with the compliments, literally everyone says something. Family, friends, customers, random people on the internet, and anyone else I interact with. Like damn that's cool and everything but there's other things I'd rather get complimented on. It's like an awesome beard is the one type of compliment people can't hold in or something. It's weird. I remember I complimented one dudes beard before (because it was the same as mine) and then he ended up hitting on me (I'm straight). I only realized he was ghey and hitting on me when I randomly dropped a "no homo" while we were discussing how awesome our beards are. So the lesson here is that anytime you suspect someone of wanting your dick and they're a guy, you should find an excuse to say "no homo" to gauge their reactions.

And that kids is the story of how I was awarded the "Greatest Person To Exist Ever" award for my awesome heroism I displayed while racing sailboats in the pirate wars.